YAY to blogging!

It's 3:00am, i'm up surfing the net, mostly staring at Adam studying his every whimper, turn and toss because some dingay ras doctor told me it wasn't safe (dangerous and risky were the words she used) for babies to sleep on their tummies - and thats the only way he can sleep!. Becha guess what happened, i come across our blog!!! OMG how is it possible that i actually forgot we had a blog, and how wonderfully sweet it was to go back and read everything! - which is the exact reason we started it in the first place.

So i'm raising my glass - Here is to the Internet, our fabulousness and to reading this blog 50 years from now!

Feker to Rihana: kind of random

I'm in a writing mood, that's the only reason I decided to do this. Please don't be surprised if I run out of ideas and click on 'publish post'! So I was thinking about your voyage to the motherland, not the christmas one but the permanent one. And it got me thinking about a lot of things. It made me realize one thing above all. Mitisha, there is a great feeling about being a student, especially a student in a college like Mount Holyoke. When I was there, I had the luxury to put people outside our little bubble under a microscope and analyze them all I wanted. I made judgements, I sympathized, judged some more and in some cases, I learned. All those habeshas in Boston, DC, LA, Atlanta were mine to scoff at or admire. Seleda provided that outlet, a chance to glimpse at the life of yound, professional Ethiopians. Frankly, I loved my bubble even when I swore at How Sadly. I left college and lo and behold, I found myself under that same microscope, and I no longer had the luxury to do the examining. I was - say it - tera zega. I remember the deep dissapointment, bordering on despair, I felt the day my boss told me one of my job descriptions would be to order food and wine for cocktails we would be hosting. I said to myself, 'bekit kuch yiluachiual indih new'. So I went home and blurted it all out to Bele (he was here then) and even as I said the words out loud, I was embarassed by my silliness. So I sucked it up and last week I realized how rewarding work could be. Nothing special, I helped someone with a paper to be published soon. I actually used my brain for that one! But aleme, all this to say that lijinet is beautiful and sometimes we really shouldn't be so hard on oursleves. Sometimes the way I makabed things you would think the world (or atleast Ethiopia) would collapse if I didn't do this thing at such and such time. Sometimes, it's perfectly fine to stop and smell the flowers (or buna in my case). Another thing as well, both what Vinnie said and Henock repeatedly stresses, is the value in educating ourselves. Mitiye, if we believe in ourselves enough to KNOW we will be big shots one day, we have to know what we're going to preach about right? So all we can do at the moment is invest in oursleves, and leave the rest to God and fate (the latter, however strongly we believe we have control over, I'm still a firm believer of ye 40 qen idil).

Luv ya ;)

Rihana to Feker - " What are you going to do with the rest of your life?"

Darling,

I really don't have time to be writing this, but if i don't, i'll hate myself in a couple years. You know those realizations i tell you about - how i feel like i've known about something for so long, but only understand it fully at a later time. I guess it's what they call having a new insight.

I was in Vinnie's political economy class this morning and we were discussing globalization and other related topics. Vinnie has this thing were- if you give a comment he automatically starts playing the devil's advocate and pushes you... and does it to the extent were every single students ends up stuttering at the end - it's really insane. But what happens is, at the end of class you are filled with so many questions you don't know the answers to. He never gives us the answer – of course most of the time its because there isn't one. They are dilemma’s that people constantly need to deal with and there are so many pros and cons to every situation, that getting a conclusion simply becomes impossible or requires deep analysis - very deep time consuming analysis. The journey, apparently, is suppose to be as sweet as anything can be, filled with constant inspiration and delight.

So, what has been happening is, i've been getting so frustrated at the end of each class that i really get pissed off. Today, a couple of us stayed after class and talked to him about some of the class topics and other 'life' things in general. At one point, i told him about my frustration because we never leave with answers. He laughed and told that it is because there really aren't any right or wrong answers - ok i said - understandable. But then something else he said hit me - he said - i'm paraphrasing - listen, the more you learn and the more you are able to analyze different situations the more you realized that you'll find more questions than answers. He added - you have the rest of your life, you just need to be dedicated and motivated enough to keep learning. I nodded, not feeling very satisfied - i knew these things already. But you know what else he said - you have the rest of your life, what else are you going to do with it?! Mitisha, it hit me - he's right! We've been going to school for all our lives, we don't know anything else but. Even you are in a similar situation because you still have gradshcool in mind. But after all of that is done - what are you going to do with the rest of your life? Of course we will get married, have kids and all of that stuff, but if you think about it, we have families now but we still need something more. Even then a husband and kids will only take a given amount of both our time and our energy - we're still going to want something more. What better way to spend that time than educating yourself more and attempting to make a difference and making a better world! Learning seems like some sort of a burden right now, but later on, i imagine it becoming a way of life. Really what else are you going to do? - chat about shoes all day?! As fascinating as that is... really i think all the world's unanswered questions are there for a purpose in a way - and amazingly enough, there are always solutions.

Anyhoo darling, I just love Mr Ferraro. I really do! I love being here, and no matter what - i will forever be thankful for this place, for having opened up an entire world for me. And of course i love you too ;)

Rihana to Feker - Happy Thanksgiving!!!! :)

Aleme, i've chosen to start off with a happy note! Yay! It's thanksgiving and we have a million things to be thankful for. We're healthy, young, beautiful, smart, alive and we have a lot of people who love us. We laugh until our stomach hurts, we have compassion towards others - enough to make us cry so often - we have cute shoes and fabulous hair. Really, we got a whole lot to be thankful for, we're just too darn blind see it. Life is too short,so i think once in a while we should learn to just let go and love it.

Mitiye, i think right now, i have a million things that should be stressing me out... i thought about it and said - really, we're never gauranteed tomorrow, why should i spend so much time stressing when i could spend it relaxing.

Aleme, look at yourself. you've got a job, a fabulous one at that, you're wonderful in the most amazing sense of the word, and you've got your whole life ahead of you - how exciting is that?! Ye Ethiopianem neger Allah yawkal, just be the best thing you can be now.If you're meant to be back there, you will be. Don't think too much about it now. Enjoy DC, love your starbucks coffee, and party it up. You're being way to hard on yourself.

I totally know what you mean about just planning instead of living - remember my calendars?! yeah, meaning i understand lol. Allah yalew aykerem... andande egna enabezawalen... It's thanksgiving so lets make sure that we're counting our blessings.

Now wede kum negeru - " Mr X"!!! What, who, what?! Men? Has there been something we haven't talked about. Anchi amedam, dengay neger eko nesh. What, who, men, what?! call and explain!!!!!!!!!!

On my side... babe, my fantasy is getting sweeter and sweeter by the day. I'm on line 24/7 - its pathetic. But mitiye, it feels so good... so yeah... when i use the phrase " which one?" when being asked " how is he?" is finally true LOL. It does feel that way though. Mitiye, its really pathatic... i want to say more, but it just hit me that this is our blog and not yahoo, so i'll save the rest for our phone calls.

Yeah, so stop romantacizing Addis - i'm allowed to do that since i'm going to be there in four weeks!!! Love DC, stop thinking too much and love your fabulous self and life. I'll talk to you... love you my darlin.... " Mr X"? What, who, men, what?!

Feker to Rihana: Thanksgiving?

Aleme Thanksgiving is upon and I guess there is much I should be thankful for. I guess what hit me when I came back to the office from lunch today was, most people couldn’t wait to leave work because they had already planned something for the holiday. And I couldn’t care less. Mitiye, how long am I gonna exist in this space where nothing grounds me to anywhere. The only place I long for, oh specially during times like these (holidays) is home. But Mitiye, I am so afraid of my weakness. Will home no longer hold any charm for me after the life I’ve gotten used to here? Will I go there one day and laugh at myself (or cry with frustration) for ever thinking I could pick up and move? And why the hell would I even have a plan for my life when some GUY would just come along to screw it all up? (this one in relation to x, long story) Mitiye, what is wrong with me? It seems like my life consists of running from the minute I get up in the morning to the time I go to sleep. And this has NOTHING to do with work or social life. Its just my state of mind. When I was in Ethiopia, I would smell the air after the rains fell and would thank God I’m alive. I would listen to church bells and wonder at the beauty of the ‘infalot’ that came out of neighbours’ ‘madbets’. I loved the simple things that gave me comfort. Aleme right now my life consists of always planning. Planning my career, graduate school, family … I feel so displaced. And the holidays don’t help. They make me feel rootless, like an accident that just happened to be here at this moment. I think it might be PMS that’s making me blab so much. Thanks my love, even if you’re not next to me you’re virtually there and somehow helps. I love you.

Feker to Rihana: False hope?

Mitiye,

Its no wonder that once again you've been able to mirror my exact sentiments. Although in my case, just for yesterday, just for those couple of hours, I let go and shut out all those very true sentiments you expressed. I went to bed hopeful.

Going back and reviewing yesterday's historic event, I was deeply touched by the hope Obama was able to ignite in people who like he said, have often been told that the American dream is only accessible to few. Now they've broken beyond that and I pray to see the day where we can tell our kids of a time when an Obama presidency was akin to a miracle, and he had made it happen with much grace and competence.

BUT, aleme, I also kept on thinking that there's something a little pathetic to the way people in Kenya, Ethiopia and other countries were glued to their TVs, watching an election which realistically speaking will not bring much changes to their lives. I saw people starved for a different kind of world, a different way of living mitiye, people sick and tired of poverty, tyranny and all the wretchedness of this world. And their only outlet was an American election, as if Obama will put those three meals on their table. Truth is, this should have been the responsibility of their own governments, and Obama should have only gotten their passing blessing, for being the first black American president. Instead, what I saw mitiye, and it breaks my heart to have witnessed it, is a people so sick of their own leaders that they have to project that on a country which has its own issues to deal with and quite frankly, will probably not change a damn thing in others. I saw this and all hope of me bringing about that change we've talked about so often just flew out the window. I don't know what will restore it aleme, and all this just to say, I completely understand how you're feeling. I pray to God that our kids and grand kids will live in a time where they will witness a similar triumph for our country.

Wedishalew.

Rihana to Feker - The night of Obama

Mitiye, Endet alesh? I'm assuming that you're asleep as i type these words. for some reason i'm unable to sleep and am engrossed with a feeling of lonliness and depression on one of the most important nights of our lives.

I watched the election in a quite comfortable lounge with three brunnett Americans... we cryied together and celebrated, this unbelievable night, a night we'll all live to tell of many years to come.

I heard the speech, impressed, i walked back to my room. Mitisha for some reason, contrary to what i thought i would feel, i'm engrossed in this feeling of total lonliness... weakness... hopelessness... is that even possible.

There was an article on BBC about Obama's extended family back in Kenya and the village they live in celebrating the victory. They had pictures of individual talking about what the election meant to them. They are hopefull... hopefull that Obama will be able to help their village and their country, hopefully that they will somehow be able to escape poverty through a man they call "one of them"... Mitiye i wondered how much of that would come true... not because he wouldn't be able to do that for them, i think he will, but i wondered of the real effect that will be seen in the village, given the political implications it would implicate... but that was just a stupid think that crossed my mind... you know what hit me - it him me, even as we stand at such a moment, there are millions of people who will never live to see a better day, lives who will never be touched, lives lost while we celebrate this vitory. This in no way diminish's Obama's or America's success in no way, but just think... with as great a hope as he preeched, it's still not great enough. I'm consumed by this feeling that no matter how big our hopes, it just won't be enough. This was the last thing i was expecting to feel tonight, given how happy and in tears i was only a couple hours ago. I'm back in my room, feeling empty and alone... and hopeless.

I know i haven't made much sense tonight, so i'll just stop and try to go to sleep. I don't even know what i'm feeling, i'm just going to post this and reread it tomorrow to see if i've even typed sentences.

I love you.