Mitiye,
I wanted to start off by saying how proud of you I am. Somehow, you've found the balance for everything; friends, a relationship, work and family. Its always my fear for us all that should we find ourselves in a new situation, we sort of loose sight of the whole picture. I don't know know why I'm even babbling about this but it just hit me that you haven't fallen prey to this fear of mine, and i'm all the more happy and grateful to you for that.
Aleme, the subject of today's post goes roughly like this ... I am SO confused. I find myself gravitating away from my one passion and its sneaking up on me without my realization. Everyday I find myself getting used to a certain say of living, meeting new people, friends ... creating my own circle of friends and family here in this country. A relative of mine had said that if I started working here I'm sucked in for good and darling, the me then had scoffed at his comment. Ato Masresha had sent me that excerpt and though I had understood where the author was coming from, yet again, I had considered myself above all that. Mitiye, I woke up today and can you believe it ... for the first time I was scared of forgetting. Home is becoming like a dream to me, you know, the type which gives you tingles when you think about it but you can't really grasp if you reach out for it. Out of the blue, at the wedding, dancing to Tilahun's "Abiyisiada", it hit me that it'll probably be another year before I get to go there and suddenly this fear that I can't really describe seized me. Mitiye, I think I've lost confidence in myself or the cause we've talked about so often. When I was in college, even if I was thousands of miles away, I still felt connected somehow. But these days, mitiye, these days I don't even know. I think the constant talk of famine, chigir, dirq, yenuro widinet have taken their toll. Darling, what to do? I think this is a first for me. Ever so often I would try and try to imagine my life wedefit, and darling, believe it or not, all I see is blank. Bicha mitiye, dunno. It might be PMS that's making me babble on, it maybe not. I wish I were one of those people who had five, ten, twenty year plans. I wish I could have a clear picture of what I wanted to do and who to spend the rest of my life with. At the moment all I see is just fragments of my futre floating everywhere. Engidih ihen yahil kaderekush yibekashal. I know this might not be the best of times to reply, try your best, me misses reading you. Wedishalew.
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