Rihana to Feker - Senseless

Eshi aleme, I just wanted to write... meaning i don't have a single topic to write about. Eshi... men addis neger ale?... Well i'm sitting in the library, obviously not doing work and listening to R Kelly, it's pathetic how i still think the man is fine!...oh T Pain is on now... hahahaha... Music taste yelushal yehe new - bezi simeta eko deben yalku fendata negn. Did i tell you that a couple of my friends ( non-EPCS) use to call me Ja Rule, since i use to sing along with all those kind of songs... yet yedersal yalut zaf ale agu! hooo...

Ena... well Addis Ababe, well we sure are going to have one heck of a story when i go for that month. Demo zendero men drama yesera yehon....wiii mitiye kebaterkubesh aydel, well i better go and i think i should click post now. Last time after typing something twice as long i deleted everything since i didn't feel like i made sense so , no matter how senseless, here goes, i'm clicking Publish Post.

Feker to Rihana: My first love

I don't need to tell you that its not what you're thinking; obviously. The first love I'm talking about is Addis, my beloved city. I was coming back from work today and in the train, I finished reading Dinaw's "The beautiful things that heaven bears". Mitiye, I can't even begin to describe the emotions that book evoked in me. But more about that later. But I was in the train and looking out of the metro windows, lost in my own world of nostalgia, sadness and just pure wonder at the ability of someone to express himself so well. Then suddenly it hit me that the moment perfectly coincided with my melancholic mood because it was twilight; and twilight used to be my favorite part of the day in Addis. You know that time of the day, the sun is just setting, smell of 'tikus yekeseat dabo' in the air, distant voices of weyalas screaming their head off and that oh so beautiful breeze that is unique to Addis. Mitish, at moments like this, I just bowed my head and thanked God for being alive ... and in Addis. And today, today it was one of those days ... the whole outside world resembled Addis and I said to myself, maybe DC will be my second love. For its easy to fall in love with it ... the bustle, diversity, convenience, ... life of it all. Like Addis there are things that break your heart. Take for example this black guy who, when Israel was passing him by says hello to her and she, like we're used to doing in Addis, ignores him and walks on, and he replies ... "yeah you're right, this is nobody." Or when you see the general discrepancy amongst people of the city, immigrants vs natives, blacks vs whites, etc. And just like Addis, it has its slums and its version of 'bole'. I could think of a thousand reasons to love it, from its coffee shops, to the malls to the clubs, little things that creep up on you until you wake up one day, and realize you have yet again fallen in love with another one. But Addis? Too many meomories etched inside my head for me to ever let go. If you asked me what of the city I missed most right now it would definitely be ... how do i describe it ... ok let me try. You know that time of the morning around 5ish (kelelitu 11 seat) and everyone is sleeping, dawn is breaking, and for some reason or another tibanignalesh? You know you don't need to get up but you can't fall asleep right away either. So you snuggle in bed, happy that you have a few more hours of sleep. And then ... you hear them. The weyalas ... you remember how close our house was to the 'taksi tera'? It was just the most beautiful sound. It is faint with none of the chaos of the day, almost like they were making music of their own. On rare occasions when I would accompany my mom to church, this sound I used as my incentive to pull myself out of bed. And yesterday in the train, I realized that was the only thing missing from DC, lol. You see, iza honen indeza indtaltesadebin ... i'm telling you, we might as well drop the search for satisfaction ... human beings are way too fickle for that.

Love you, please write back soon, preferably on the topic you promised yesterday.

Rihana to Feker - Insha Allah, It will be ok.

Mitiye,
Be tselotush aberesh negn. Aleme, but you know one thing which hit me, every time we talk, blog or email, there is this thing that you repeat - what you feel is GUILT, not sadness, or dissatisfaction, or confusion... but guilt. I believe guilt to be the worse kind of emotion. I fully understand where you're coming from and i do relate to the pain of feeling so privileged without the ability somehow "payback," in whatever way, to whomever we feel needs it most. With this said Mitiye at this time i do not think 'guilt' should not be something for you to feel now. I think we have this thing where we see ourselves to be a lot more than we really are ( this of course is vital and necessary - unless you reach for the stars there really isn't much point, and unless you believe you can do it, there isn't the possibility of doing so). But what i mean is in specific terms, is you just graduated from college and you're doing the first of many jobs to come, you still have an entire lifetime to do whatever it is that you want. We really are young and we have just started it all off. You can't expect the world from yourself now, ( you definilty should later on in life) i think our responsibility now is to constantly educate ourselves, to grow mentally and spiritually. To contribute to the world in whatever small way we possibly can ( Even a smile to another fellow human being, i believe, is a contribution). I think the key is to never forget who we really are and what it is will help us achieve our goals.

But God forbid, if we don't end up doing exactly doing what we want to do, say be able to go back to Ethiopia like you where saying, i believe we still have to make the best of what we have at hand. For me i believe in "Qadr," it's the Arabic word for preordainment. We may plan a lot, but at the end of the day it is what God wills that is going to happen, and the faster we learn to accept that the more happier and peaceful our lives become. The key is no matter what we end up doing, what place we end up living, we should always be the best of what we can be and do the best possible work.

Maybe feeling a little bit guilty now isn't all that bad, it will drive us towards what we really want to do, but if things don't turn out quite the way we have so perfectly pictured in our heads, it is still ok as long us we do become individuals who we will be proud of. You should know I’m typing these words for myself as much as for you. It is something i need to hear ones in a while too. Insha Allah, We'll be ok.

Wedeshalew,
Miti

Feker to Rihana: "yet yidersal yetebale ..."

Aleme,

It's monday morning, no more of the foggy, ye-addisaba weather and as I left my apartment for work this morning, I realized, for probably the millionth time, how much in my life I have to give thanks to the Lord. Sometimes darling, I feel so overwhelmed with all the love and support around me that I can't help but feel guilty, I really do feel like an imposter sometimes. I know these kind of thoughts are not healthy, since they might hinder me from the very goals I've set out to achieve. I can't shake it off though. Have you asked yourself mitish, why us? And if for some reason we were lucky enough to be granted with all these privileges, what is expected of us in return? Ay mitiye, inema keqen wedeqen ye Ethiopia neger yehilm injera iyehonebign techegirealew. Even Addis Amet, when I'm surrounded by Habesha people left and right, should have struck some sort of chord in me. Alas, I felt more of the Addis Amet vibe when I was in south hadley than in silver spring. Mitiye, how do I keep that link from snapping? I can't even begin to explain what is going through my mind right now ... don't know if i understand it at all let alone explain it to you. But I feel like a 'kehadi' aleme. I know, I know, you're probably rolling your eyes right about now with your classic, 'akabde' retort, but i'm telling you darling, right now i feel like that infamous zaf Agu often refers to. Bicha mechereshayen Egzihabher bicha new miyakilign. I will need a lot of 'tselot' on your part ...

Call me during or after 'aftir' ... wedishalew.