Feker to Rihana: Thanksgiving?

Aleme Thanksgiving is upon and I guess there is much I should be thankful for. I guess what hit me when I came back to the office from lunch today was, most people couldn’t wait to leave work because they had already planned something for the holiday. And I couldn’t care less. Mitiye, how long am I gonna exist in this space where nothing grounds me to anywhere. The only place I long for, oh specially during times like these (holidays) is home. But Mitiye, I am so afraid of my weakness. Will home no longer hold any charm for me after the life I’ve gotten used to here? Will I go there one day and laugh at myself (or cry with frustration) for ever thinking I could pick up and move? And why the hell would I even have a plan for my life when some GUY would just come along to screw it all up? (this one in relation to x, long story) Mitiye, what is wrong with me? It seems like my life consists of running from the minute I get up in the morning to the time I go to sleep. And this has NOTHING to do with work or social life. Its just my state of mind. When I was in Ethiopia, I would smell the air after the rains fell and would thank God I’m alive. I would listen to church bells and wonder at the beauty of the ‘infalot’ that came out of neighbours’ ‘madbets’. I loved the simple things that gave me comfort. Aleme right now my life consists of always planning. Planning my career, graduate school, family … I feel so displaced. And the holidays don’t help. They make me feel rootless, like an accident that just happened to be here at this moment. I think it might be PMS that’s making me blab so much. Thanks my love, even if you’re not next to me you’re virtually there and somehow helps. I love you.