Mitiye, hode, mi love ... endet neshilign? betam
nafkeshignal ... betam betam! Have you ever felt so
lost and so complete at the same time? Mitish, endet
arige explain indemaregewim alakim. Its this weird
state I find myself in ... sort of suspended in space
... so beautifully lost and confused. Let me share
something which I have dubbed 'mcbealism'. Ally Mcbeal
was a T.V. show which I was sort of addicted to when I
was home. In one episode she says
"The real truth is I probably don't want to be too
happy or content. Cuz ... then what? I actually like
the quest, the search. That's the fun. And the more
lost you are the more you have to look forward to.
What do you know? I'm having a great time and I don't
even know it."
Now that is something don't you think? Mitiye ... I
said in your note on facebook that vulnerability is
such a beautiful thing. I meant it darlin, I meant it
with all my heart. Another character in the same show
says, explaining why he secretly loves Ally, "She
understands loneliness, and she's not afraid to admit
it." I think like you said, it all boils down to that.
The fear, the beautiful fear of being vulnerable.
Yasferal and yet you can't deny its beauty. Its what
makes us human after all. Lemin indemikebatir alakim
mitish, I'm just in this really weird mood and thought
I would share it with you.
on Mcbealism for a second, I think mitish that IS
my problem. I have this picture in my head, ere
sometimes I even feel it, of what love should be. I
have never encountered anything that even came close
to it. I think I had a psychological breakthrough when
I realize that maybe I don't allow myself that luxury
is because I'm afraid of happiness. Mitiye, I know it
doesn't make ANY sense gin I just can't get the
thought out of my mind. Maybe I'm scared of finding it
and then .... yeah .... then what? For the first time
I understood Nafi and her fear of boredom. Darling ...
beka, I will expect an email and not a short one
either. I have two more exams to go and we're off to
New York and D.C. for break (which for some reason,
I'm not even a tiny tiny bit excited about.)
muaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah, can't wait till you come back mi love.
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