Hey Mitisha, Endet new. Hope classes are going well.
> Classes here...well i don't know. Allah Ale becha.
>
> Where do i start? I just got out of one of my
> classes and there is this guy...
> Mitisha leju lay kemaftete yetenesa sayferagn hula
> aykerem. For one he's very handsome, and i
> think he's American if i'm not mistaken. Here is
> what i couldn't really understand. He wears a
> Jelebiya. You know those dress things Arabs where.
> yeah that. I know he's not an Arab since he's in the
> same Arabic class as i am and it's beginners. He's
> so calm and has this amazing smile. Betay i make
> sure i sit in the opposite side of him otherwise
> i'll spend the entire class literally just looking at
> him. This is what I gathered - pure guess - He's a
> recent convert to Islam and is here in Cairo to
> learn Arabic. He is around my age actually maybe a
> few years older. Handsome with an amazing smile, you
> can die looking at him (wait this is a fact.)
> guess - He's had a turning point in his life
> recently maybe the past couple years. He is
> confident, knows exactly what he wants and isn't
> afraid to go after it. He is going after it. He has
> made that decision to become what he was created to
> become. He's himself and sure of it. You know what's
> even great about him, you can see after deciding
> what he wants to be he's dedicated, driven,
> hardworking. Mitisha, i stare at him not because i
> want to get to know him (even though that wouldn’t be
> a very bad idea), or talk to him. Darling I stare
> because i want to be him. I want to be everything
> i've imagined him to be. He is in my class but who
> he is might only be in my head. Which is perfectly?
> fine. I sit across him in class and think i'm going
> to die with two MEs within myself constantly in a
> battle with each other and never having one get
> victory over the other. I fear that i'm going to die
> never being what i have pictured this man to be.
> Worse yet i fear that i'm going to live my entire
> life never know what it means to be who who've
> desired to be all your life - and that for me is
> only to become a Muslim, That's it.
> You know, nothing ever really impresses me that
> much, or amazes me or touches me or any of those
> ferenji things that we know. Mitisha everytime i
> meet some one...actually about an hour earlier i met
> this women named Fatima at a coffee shop. Don't ask
> me why but she ended up telling me her life story. A
> very simple, but yet strong Filipino woman with an
> Egyptian husband... Mitisha i had to swallow my
> emotions the entire time. Not only because of the
> hardship she's been through but because of the kind
> of Muslim she is. Especially because of the kind of
> Muslim woman she is. The other day T( a guy who's helping us a lot with the apartment)
> yelled out at our doorman because of something very
> silly. I almost cried when i heard what he had
> actually said to him. This poor old man with a
> tomboyish daughter and a sick wife, cried mitisha!
> He cried because he, T’s tone of voice told him
> something he's had to live with all his life - He's
> a poor doorman whose opinion
> means absolutely nothing, who can be perceived as a
> thief and even if he's not, he just has to look down
> and walk away and know only God will know whether
> he's a liar or not. But always he's guilty if only
> charged, no need for anything more. The class
> difference here breaks your heart darling. I don't
> know how these rich people can live their lives
> totally unaware. Oh God, being poor is almost a
> crime in this city.
> Ya Allah and look at me, i want to walk down 5th
> avenue with my hills and glasses like the world will
> go on forever and the world is of course all sweet
> and dandy!
> What scares me most is that i won't have the
> strength. I know it sounds ridiculous specially
> given the fact that most of the things that i want,
> only I can give to myself. How and where do you get
> that? Really that sounds like a stupid question but
> really, Where!? Why the heck are we created so weak?
> Or have we been told all our lives that it's ok to
> be mediocre. It's ok not to live up to your "full
> self"?? Why? I honestly don't understand...
> Ya Allah pray for me. What i want right this
> second is to believe the fact that i won't have a
> similar conversation with you when i'm back at MHC.
> I want to believe things will be different by then. I
> do believe that at least i've started to fully be
> aware of the things i want in my life. and Oh
> darling how simple they all are, but how hard they
> appear to me!
> I know I've failed to be myself for so long and
> look at how i always blabber about how great a
> certain someone is because "he's himself".
> I've been given way too much in my life for me
> to be someone who's a mediocre, to be able to be someone great
> ( in the eyes of Allah) and to give back. Mitisha i
> honeslty don't think there is much of a choice. It
> is something that has to be...
>
> El is standing behind me waiting for us to go
> have some kosheri (an Egyptian food)... I figured i
> should email you for a change rather than just my
> diary... it needs a bit of rest... give miti my
> deepest love. I love you.
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